


Because He Survived

by idrilhadhafang



Series: BenPoe College AU [11]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Writing & Publishing, Angst, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Character Bashing, Luke Skywalker Is An Asshole, Luke Skywalker-bashing, M/M, Other, Poe Dameron Is A Good Boyfriend, Writer Ben Solo, had to explain TLJ somehow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-02 00:41:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14532930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: An estranged family member makes an appearance in Ben’s life.





	Because He Survived

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

The release of The Last Jedi has definitely gotten some pretty interesting reviews. Some people love it, some people hate it — Ben’s actually more than a bit surprised at it, but he supposed that’s part of the writing life. There’s one review that gets under his skin, though. 

It doesn’t help that it’s by a family member. 

Ben had this emailed to him this morning by a friend of his, Mitaka, who basically prefaced it with “I think you just stirred up a hornet’s nest”. Even opening it and seeing the author of the blog post — Luke Skywalker — is enough to make Ben’s blood run cold. 

So this is how his uncle comes out of hiding. After that fight with Ben’s father about Snoke that led to Luke splitting, now he makes his move. Ben reads the headline of the blog post carefully. 

_THE (HOPEFULLY) LAST JEDI_

_Like many others, I was unfortunate to come across the latest offering from author Ben Solo, Star Wars: The Last Jedi. The book has been divisive, to say the least, from people hailing it as a subversive masterpiece to people who think it’s depraved trash._

_I happen to be in the latter camp._

_I knew Ben Solo — he was unfortunately my nephew. He always was a difficult child and that hasn’t changed now. His Star Wars series is an attack on science fiction and fiction as a whole, as well as morality itself. He has no concept of the Hero’s Journey, and indeed rips it to shreds to shove his twisted political agenda and his desire to split apart a family down our throats._

_For starters, every male character in this is portrayed as a buffoon. Finn, for example, is portrayed as inferior to the Mary Sue protagonist that is Rey, and has to be led around by a woman whose anti-capitalist rants sadly add no value to the story. Jacob Sunrider has to be put in his place by the Vice Admiral Hordo, and the mentor figure, Kane, is portrayed as a weak, decrepit loser who preaches about how the Jedi need to end. Meanwhile, the women are portrayed as righteous even when they’re wrong. Ben Solo is an embarrassment to his gender who seeks to make up sob stories set in space to get attention._

Ben draws away like he’s been burned. He can deal with Uncle Luke becoming rigid in his old age (to say the least) but he can’t deal with the fact that Uncle Luke says that he was just making up stuff to get attention. 

Then again, he said the same thing when Snoke assaulted him. That an upstanding man in the community couldn’t have done this, that  Ben probably seduced him. Even hearing it that awful night was enough to make Ben remember Snoke’s words to him, and hurt even more. 

“Hey.” Poe comes downstairs. “You okay?”

”My uncle,” Ben says, “Is a turd in human clothing.”

“He’s finally come out of hiding?” Poe says. 

Ben nods. “It’s just a bad review, but he said...God, some of the things he said...”

Poe reads over it, and he stumbles back as well, gaping. Then, “How could he? No one could make up that amount of pain you went through. And who’s saying he’s not trying to get attention too?”

”I guess,” Ben says. He sighs. “And where did he even get the idea it was man-hating? I don’t hate my own gender.”

”Of course not. Luke’s...Luke’s an idiot.”

Poe hugs him, and Ben takes comfort in that embrace. All the while, he wonders if there’s a way to get back in touch with his uncle. Just to clear the air.

Not to forgive him. Just to clear the air.

***

It’s his friend Phasma that tells him not to send out a response. “It’s not going to bolster your case, Ben,” she says. “Be the bigger man.”

”That’s not really my specialty,” Ben says, but he supposes she’s right. 

“Just...try?”

Ben tries. Even getting to the prequel about Kylo’s father, he can’t help but hear the words from his uncle’s review echoing in his head. He can’t quite get past a scene with the Lando and Han stand-ins. His mind is currently on INTRUDER ALERT! 

He has to defend himself. Somehow. Fuck being the bigger man; it’s ridiculous. 

Ben opens Google Chrome and opens his uncle’s blog again. He finds his uncle’s email and types up a polite request to meet with him. 

***

 “You’re meeting with him at a bookstore?”

Poe’s staring at him in disbelief, and worry. 

Ben nods. 

“Can I go with you?” Poe says. “I mean, it might be good to have back-up.”

”That’s what I was thinking,” Ben says. It’s for the best, in the end. Having back-up. He doesn’t want to, God willing, be reduced to a scared child in front of his uncle again. 

***

The first thing that Ben notices when his uncle walks in is that he looks tired. He’s only forty-nine, but he looks ten years older. Ben wonders what exactly happened to him to make him that way, but he supposed he’ll find out soon enough.

He looks almost like how Ben pictured Starkiller, Rey’s mentor. Ben’s original idea was mostly playing around with the wise mentor archetype — the Gandalfs of the fiction world. Now, though...now he wonders how much of his uncle crept in there. He had originally envisioned Starkiller as flawed, but it had been after coming to terms with his uncle’s emotional abuse that he made Starkiller meaner, harsher. 

And now...now they’re confronting one another. Now they’re coming to grips with each other, Ben hopes. At least he has Poe with him. 

Uncle Luke casts a disapproving look in Poe’s direction, and Ben holds Poe’s hand tighter like he can protect him that way. 

“Ben,” Luke says, and he even sounds tired. 

“Luke.” Right now, Ben doubts that he can ever get comfortable with his uncle. He envies others who are comfortable with their uncles and aunts; this is something he can never do. 

He swears that his uncle twitches, just a little bit, before saying, “Been some time, hasn’t it?”

”Yeah.”

Across from them, there are kids investigating the Rogue One toys — the Jamie (his Jyn Erso stand-in) action figures. Some of them acting out stories with the figures. 

“So you’re a famous author now,” Luke says. “Congratulations.” There’s no real congratulations in his voice, and Ben has a feeling that it was meant to cut. 

“Yeah.”

”I have to wonder — was splitting apart a family worth it?”

Ben swallows. “I didn’t,” he says. Dad had wondered if Ben was angry at him, but other than that...he can’t say he actively split a family apart. 

“And yet you write about the people in your life in such unflattering ways...”

”Right. About that...I don’t hate my own gender, Uncle. Just because I don’t see women as second-class citizens doesn’t mean that I hate my own gender.” Ben sighs. “Being a man just means being a decent human being.”

”What about writing about that...petulant spoiled child you call a villain killing his own father?”

Ben feels like he’s been struck in the chest. He’s never intended Kylo Ren to be a role model (to say the least) but calling him a petulant spoiled child, after everything Ben’s gone through...

He takes a deep breath. “I know more about Kylo Ren than you ever will,” he says. 

“No surprise,” Luke says. “You’re just like him. Ungrateful, spoiled, willing to tear a family apart after all they’ve done for you...”

Poe speaks up. “Ben is nothing like that."

”And you’re his boyfriend. I should have known,” Luke says. “Though I don’t know why anyone would want you, Ben.”

And in that moment, Ben feels like a child again — a scared, confused child. Uncle Luke never hit him, but his words could leave marks well enough. 

Poe actually looks angry. Then, “Funny. Because I can’t see anyone putting up with such a miserable son of a bitch like you.”

”Ben is — ’’

”Kind, funny, talented, and braver than anyone in his whole fucking family.”

Luke actually stiffens. Poe continues. “Everything Ben’s told me about his family...it’s a miracle that he hasn’t gone insane. Well, except for his dad. At least his dad’s a good person. But you...you’re pathetic.  You’re a sad excuse for a man, and Ben’s better than you’ll ever be. So’s Mr. Solo.”

”How — ’’

”Because he survived. Because he survived, and you’re weak.”

Ben swears he sees something flicker in his uncle’s eyes, and for a moment he feels sorry for his uncle. But he nods. “You had power over me as a kid,” he says. “But not now.”

***

It’s back at their flat that Ben writes. It’s about time he wrote more about his uncle. He’s shaking, but Poe holding him keeps him steady, in more ways than one. It’s a matter of transcribing his memories to that scared child Kylo Ren was, confused about the powers he had and plenty more. Transcribing Luke’s hatred of him to Starkiller — and also his past.  He writes, and he finds himself writing a lot of words. It’s like a torrent. A waterfall of pain finally coming out. 

Uncle Luke never tried to kill him. But his words seemed designed to try to, at least. 

He finishes for the night and he puts his phone aside. He snuggles in Poe’s arms and he feels comforted by Poe’s presence. 

“You okay?" Poe says. 

Ben nods. “I guess I just hoped...”

”It’s not your fault, Ben.” Poe lightly kisses his hand. “I don’t know how such a horrible person is related to you.”

“I guess it’s just that,” Ben says. “He may be related to me by blood, but he’s not family. Dad’s my family. And...your family’s my family.”

Poe nods. Then, “So your writing...do you want to read aloud what you’ve got?”

 Silence. Then Ben nods. It’s still in-progress. But if he can heal after what his uncle did, in a way, it’ll be worth everything. 

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Be the Sword, I will be the Shield](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14551425) by [MidgardianNerd](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidgardianNerd/pseuds/MidgardianNerd)




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